Okay, so now Chico and I are sitting in the exam room, trying not to get freaky on the exam table because I have on a paper Mache shirt that opens up in the front. Neither here nor there, the doctor walks in just when I plan on going full Grey’s Anatomy. She has this serious, but I feel sorry for you expression on her face. “Why you looking like that?”.
“Jacinta, we ran some tests and we would like for you to go to the East Bumba Fuck part of Tampa to get a MRI and a Cat Scan”. I hop up and tell Chico let’s roll. Here’s the thing, if you know me, you know this… If I sneeze wrong I am going to the doctor. If that burp doesn’t come up like it should, I am going to the doctor. If you are sick and you are just now telling me you are sick once I see you face to face, I am going to the doctor. I have always elected the most expensive health insurance with my job. I don’t play. You shouldn’t either. It is truly a “Get Rich or Die Trying” decision.
Ok, back to what I was saying. We go to get the MRI and Cat Scan. Cool, can we go back to pretending that we were on Grey’s Anatomy? Cause a baseball under my arm doesn’t stop no show either.
So now it has been a few days. I am sitting at my cubicle (Like for real, they may as well call it, the “I’m all in your business suite”) I get a call from the doctor and she is telling me that she would like for me to come into her office today to go over my tests results. Now, you know good and well, when they tell you to come in they have nothing good to report. So yes, my nerves are bad and I am panicking, but I cant let anyone see that because I am the only black person and female on my team. I get the hell out of there to meet Chico so we can go together.
Now I ain’t gone lie, Chico fine as hell!! I usually don’t talk about that because other bitches will want your shit. NOT ON DUTY! He works out everyday, unlike my fat ass. Anyway, he had been noticing a police car following him to the gym. Never pulled him over, so he assumed the police might be going to the gym as well. I also noticed the police car on our street, but I thought he lived there. Super nonchalant. Of all the days in the world, this fool wants to pull us over on our street. We are so close to our house, that we can actually pull back in the driveway if we hit reverse.
Here is how that conversation went:
Jacinta: Chico, please don’t nut up. We are in Trayvon Martin County, we don’t need this foolishness. Just be cool and focus on the fact that we need to get to my doctor.
Chico: This some bullshit!
Officer: Uhh… Can I see your license and registration please. (Chico pulls it out from that window part of the wallet). By the way, are you down here for spring training? (Spring training?)
Chico: No I am not here for spring training . Here is my license.
Officer: Oh!!! So now I see that you have another driver’s license in your wallet. Are you trying to impersonate anyone? I am going to need that license as well. And by the way, I am going to need to see your identification too, missy! (Ok, Chico is hotter than hot at this point, rightfully so)
Chico: Officer we just moved here from Virginia. That was my Virginia license that the DMV gave back to me once I got my Florida license. I am not trying to impersonate anyone. Officer what did we do wrong, why are we being pulled over?
Officer: It “LOOKED LIKE” you weren’t going to stop at the stop sign up the street (like 8 or 10 houses up the street. Straight bullshit, I grab Chico’s hand and shake my head, like just chill). By the way, I see cars in your driveway, but I don’t see anyone going to work. (Are you serious?)
He runs our license comes back and issues a warning… So we still got a piece of paper from the “folks”.
We get to the doctor’s office, I am crying at this point. I truly did not know how that police situation was going to turn out. Chico ain’t scared of shit. So I already knew that if it went left, it would have went left. I am just glad that I was in the car with him. No telling what this situation could have turned into had Chic been by himself. My nerves are on 10. I take my Xanax, trying to calm down. Doctor comes in and with her best bed manner says, “Jacinta, we found a total of 7 lumps between both of your breast. We need to do a biopsy to determine what types of nodules you have. Some are large, some are pea size. Either way, we need to start taking precautions so that we can rule any illness out.” So now I am crying even more, my face is red. I am leaning on Chico and he is trying to hold it together, we look pitiful and the doctor looks like she is about to cry. Jesus turn the wheel! The nurse comes back in the room (I am hoping that she has a shot of Ativan, she doesn’t, damn), and re-takes my vitals. She writes it on a sheet of paper and gives it to the doctor. The doctor looks at the sheet and tells Chico… “listen, Jacinta’s blood pressure is extremely high. You need to take her to the emergency room. Here is a script. Let them know that she just needs to be stabilized. They will give her an IV and some blood pressure medication. Once her levels are not alarming, they should let you go. Call me if you need anything.”
So off to the hospital we go…. Tampa Memorial Hospital, here we come. This is when shit gets real…..
There is absolutely no one waiting in the ER waiting room (that should have been my first WTF, but I ain’t feeling good). I sign in. Its all on a computer. I have to scan the back of my driver’s license (really?). The nurse asks why are we being seen, Chico tells her how the doctor instructed him to take me to the ER for blood pressure. She takes it, and yes it is still high. Now I have a migraine and my face is hot and reddish. I notice that they take us to a room with this large ass window. Everybody else in the ER has one of them curtain things (should have been my second WTF). I am assuming the beds are full and they just wanted to get me stabilized. Fine. Chico and I are sitting there talking about everything that has happened today. We are trying to do a rough draft plan to what is next.
In comes a nurse, who takes some blood samples (Third WTF). A few minutes later, a man (not a nurse, doctor, orderly, janitor, cafeteria manager of the hospital, or parking attendant) (Fourth WTF). He has on a hospital badge and has a clip board in his hand and he is dressed in plain clothes. He starts to ask me about my medications that I listed earlier at check-in. I confirm all of them and for some reason, I just assumed that he worked in the lab. Chico at this point is asking when do they plan to give me the IV and the blood pressure medicine. The man looks up and said “just a second”. At this point, we are assuming that he is going to get the nurse to hook up my IV.
The man comes back in and this is how that conversation goes:
Man: Mrs. Daniel, why do you take Xanax, Prozac, and Ambien?
Me: Because I have an anxiety disorder and those are my ongoing medications.
Man: Have you ever thought about killing yourself? (My inside voice is saying, Nah, but I don’t have a problem killing you?)
Chico: What does any of this have to do with her blood pressure? I showed this script to the nurse when we checked in.
Man: Sir, we are just trying to administer the proper procedures… (Fifth WTH, what damn procedure to get my blood pressure under control) Ma’am, can you explain to me why your face is red and your eyes are red?
Chico: Listen, she has had a rough day. We received some negative tests results and we are just trying to deal with it.
Man walks out the room, I am crying again. Man comes back in the room. This time he has this “He-Man” of a Police Officer with him. Chico stands up. Officer gets in front of Chico. Chico wants to know the hell is going on.
Man: Ma’am, under the state of Florida, I am admitting you under the Florida Baker Act, due to your mental stability. (Chico is loosing it, I am confused). Ma’am, I need for you to remove all jewelry, shoe strings, hair pins, etc.
Me: Why am I having to do this? What is going on?
Man: Ma’am you have been involuntarily Baker Acted. This means that you will have to……..
Alright!! I gave yall a lot this time. Keep checking into the Figured Out Blog to see what happens next! It is still getting better.