How We Got Back Home XX… Chapter 20

I love my children.  There should be no denying or any doubt about that.  However, I sometimes confuse the two.   Not that I don’t know who they are, but certain things about each of them.  I almost have to write it on the back of a card and keep it in my wallet.  Here is the thing, Jacinta loves sweets, Italian Food, and serious steak houses.  Jacinta is also highly allergic to shellfish, fish, eggs, peanuts, Hops (beer), and blueberries.  She has a ton of medicine allergies simply because most meds are made from egg shells.  If she comes into to contact with any of her allergies, we are in the hospital for anaphylactic shock.  Three shots to be exact.  Jordan on the other hand is quite the opposite, she loves seafood, will eat it dead or alive.  Her biggest issue is that she is extremely allergic to tomatoes.  If anything red comes within her sight, she is on 12.  Because of her allergies, we don’t do pizza, bbq, ketchup, hot sauce, Mrs. Dash, cocktail sauce, foods that look like cranberry sauce, etc.. etc..  Totally understandable.  Jordan was at work one day and someone had a sandwich in the break room with tomatoes on it.  Her throat closed up from just smelling it and she was rushed to the hospital.    You get the drift.  It is really hard for me to determine what to get either of them to eat or what can I eat around them.

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Here is where I made the mistake.  I should have gotten something to eat while I was in the airport.  I was concerned about getting my luggage, so I skipped it.  I am settling down on the sofa and trying to clear my head around all of the things that are going on at once.  I don’t know if I have missed a phone call from Jacinta or not.  I look in my briefcase to retrieve my cell phone.  As I am looking through the bag, I notice that there is a snack size bag of Doritos from the airplane.  I pull them out and start snacking away.  Two minutes later, Jordan comes through the den coughing and wheezing.  I go into full daddy mode.  Shit!!!  Doritos have tomato salsa seasoning.  I grab my phone and dial 911.  As I am on the phone explaining the situation, I am in her purse getting her Epi-Pen and shooting her in her thigh until help can come.  Damn it!  I gotta do better.

Still in “Free Time”, but I am holding my arm up again for Disgusting to scan it.  I am hoping that Vontay is back on duty tonight.  Maybe he can get me some Tylenol for this headache that hasn’t gone away since I got here.  I am still working on the 1000 piece puzzle.   Now this is actually one of my favorite past times.  Both of my grandfathers were very meticulous.  To put together a large puzzle showed patience, focus, and accuracy.  I learned from my father’s father that putting puzzles together would always show you how to fix your own.  Damn if that advice wasn’t on time.  It is relaxing and you can think things through without being irrational.  I have a 1000 things going through my mind.  I need access to more information so that I can come up with a strategy to get me the hell up out of here in hours not days, not weeks, not months.  This is unacceptable.  Lucky for me, I have a squad that is on the same page, we just have to work our way through it.

I am working my way to getting all of the outside pieces together and I am starting to work the inside.  I feel something on the back of my neck.  I turn around and that damn Maria has floated over to watch me put the puzzle together.  I finally give.  “Maria, outside of floating, does your ass sit?  If so, just sit your ass down and stop all this damn floating.  It is freaking everybody out.  Also, I am going to need you to talk.  Lewis can’t be the only person that you talk to”  Out of nowhere she sits her ass down next to me and starts to work the puzzle with me.  John has again, let down his newspaper and has given me the “If you want to be my “Doom Room” wife, you are going to have to stop bringing all of these other folks to our table”.  Fair.  I give him the this is the last time look and he doesn’t believe me.

Sure enough in good old fashion “Doom Room” antics, Daniel is pissed again.  He must have just gotten off the phone with Queen Trailer Park.  This time he is banging one of the dinner trays against the wall.  From there he bangs the tray on the floor.  In the “Doom Room” this type of behavior creates a domino effect.  Daniel is banging the tray as loud and as hard as he can.  Lieutenant is marching off to war and speaking 35 different languages so the little people can understand his leadership.  Straight jacket, who is now not in a straight jacket begins biting her arm so bad that it starts bleeding.  John is ruffling the newspaper to drown out all of the noise.  Susan is in a corner crying hysterically.   Carol is crying because Susan is crying.  Felonious is trying to see who she plans to shank while all of this is going on.  Maria floats her ass off to march with Lieutenant.  I guess she speaks one of his 35 languages.  Then finally me….  I put my hands over my ears and I shut my eyes tight.  The combination of all of this lunacy at the same time has not necessarily scared me, it is giving me a panic attack.  Too much going on at the same time.

All of the orderlies meaning all 2 of them are going about the room trying to get the entire situation under control.  The nurse is scrambling to get needles for everyone.  I mean EVERYONE.  As each orderly gets a patient still, the nurse gives them a shot.  This practice goes around the entire “Doom Room”.  Even if you were not a part of the ruckus like John and Marlon, you still get a shot.  Guilty by association.  They get to me and I am not putting up a fight,  I just tell them that I can’t take different kinds of medicines because I have allergies.  I get the shot anyway.  Fade to black.

When there is a mandatory Fade to Black, you literally pass out wherever you are.  So if you were standing, your ass has hit the floor some kinda hard.  If you are at a prison table, like myself and John, your ass only hits the floor a little less harder, but hard all the same.  As I type, I can still feel the pain from the bruise on the side of my head.  Which reminds me, I still never got that chance to get it checked out.  I am not sure how much time has passed since I passed out.  I am now somewhat awake, but dizzy as hell.  They must have given us pure Opium, everyone in here is still down except for you know who…. Maria.  I am too preoccupied to even understand how she is fully awake and floating all over the place.  We are really going to have to have that talk.  Suddenly it hit me like lightening.  I am running as fast as I can to the toilet.  Everything I owned inside of my body was now halfway in the toilet and halfway on the floor.  Since it is a community toilet, I start to gag.  Sweat is pouring down my face.  My nerves are on ten because I have no idea what just happened and why.  I throw up again.  Unfortunately for you, I am telling you that most of it is the “beef of roast, brown stuff covering it and potatoes of mash”.   Till this day, I refuse to eat roast beef.  You will never see me eat roast beef again because of this incident.

For whatever reason,  I have always been embarrassed about things like this.  Which is weird, because I don’t get embarrassed.  Ask Chico, who is constantly embarrassed by anything that may come out of my mouth.  I take a paper towel and wipe my face with what little the water spout gives me.  I walk to the nurses station and I find Disgusting playing games on his phone.  I ask him if they have a mop, some paper towels, and some bleach cleaner.  Disgusting, without looking up from his phone, asks why would I need all of that?  I tell him that I need to clean up a mess that I made.  Luckily, Vontay is now on duty.  He looks at me with concern.  The other nurse overhears me asking for bleach.  I think that is the only word she heard.  She runs off somewhere and I am not even paying attention to her.  Vontay rushes outside of the nurse’s station and asks what has happened.  I told him that I threw up dinner and I am trying to clean it up.  He goes in a closet, get some towels and Clorox cleanup wipes.  He quickly goes to the toilet and cleans the mess up.  I am humiliated and thankful.  The toilet didn’t get so clean on the seat.  We both look up and the nurse is there with another shot.  She wants to know why I would be requesting bleach.  She thinks that I am trying to swallow it and kill myself.  Really???  Vontay explains that I have acid reflux and just had a small spit up.  The nurse looks around us and sees the mess that we haven’t cleaned up.  She claims she sees blood in the mess.  I roll my eyes and Vontay says, we gave the patients some leftover Valentine M & M’s during group.  They were pink.  She probably didn’t take well to the candy.  The nurse thinks, lets it slide and now I am breathing again.  I owe Vontay my life.  Literally.

I was hoping that Cint was going to call me after dinner.  I am sort of worried that something is wrong.  By this time, Nicole is strolling around the house in what I call “The Elite Slipper”.  Each one of those chicks only wear Daniel Green house shoes.  They still have a heel.  She has found the ice cream and she decides to ditch putting it in a bowl all together.  She is going in full soup spoon.  I ask her if she slept well in her mediocre accommodations and we both start laughing.  She states, that this shit definitely ain’t the Ritz.  She looks at me and says, “Cint is a lot stronger than you think.  She is going to help us get her out.  Trust me.  Go get some rest.  Baylor and I are going to my “suite” to order hella movies on demand.”  As she is walking away, she tells me to save my money for the cable bill.

Being in an ambulance does not give you priority in the city of Atlanta.  It just means that they make your ass wait longer in the back of the ER.  The EMT’s have given Jordan another shot of Benadryl to hold her until she can be seen in the ER.  For the life of me, how in the hell did both of my kids end up at the hospital at the same damn time, and in different cities.  I guess I can’t be in two places at the same time.  Both are in dire need.  The difference is that Jacinta has at least two people working on her situation.  I am not leaving Jordan’s side until we get all of this worked out.  Jordan is laying on the stretcher and I am watching her sleep.  I am thinking to myself that she looks like an angel.  A beeping noise goes off in another room and that jostles Jordan awake.  She realizes where we are and she remembers that I am the Dorito Man.  She looks at me and in what I call her “calm” voice says, “Daddy, when I get out of here, I am going to need you to get the fuck up out of my house.”  She closes her eyes again, and at this point, I can’t find the angel that I saw just a minute ago.  I go to my cell phone and start looking at hotels in the area.  I know she loves me, but she is not having it.  There is very little that scares or bothers me.  The only real thing that I can say that I am weary of, is when Jordan is on 10.  The Hilton is sounding safe right about now.

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