I don’t even think I am supposed to be on the phone. I think someone at the nurse’s station has forgotten to turn the lines off and so I try my luck calling Daddy and Chic. I am guessing that the two of them are together and Nicole has them on the hunt for a weird but hearty breakfast. When I don’t get Chico on the phone, I try calling Daddy. I am hoping that this situation has not gotten out of control and they are not just keeping things cool so that I don’t pick up on it. I am truly praying that we are making headway with my situation and we are able to see some light at the end of this sick ass tunnel. I do realize that I have been in this shit hole for at least two and a half days. If my thoughts are right, today is Saturday. I have no idea as to how I will be able to get out of here any time before Monday. There is no way that I am going to get a lawyer, a judge, a psychiatrist, Chico, Daddy, and Nicole on the same page in the amount of time that I am trying to get the hell up out of here on a weekend. What I do know is that I am not built for this shit.
People can front to you all they want about what they would do if they were in your situation. That is a bunch of crap. I am living proof that you can’t imagine being in a certain situation only for your reaction to be totally different from what you thought you would do. There is no way that you could have told me thirty hours ago that I would not have been able to talk myself up out of even being sent to this floor. I am swearing on everything that I love, that I got this shit under control and the main thing is, is that I don’t want anything to happen to Chico. So I am giving him the “I got us face”. I truly believe in my heart and in my mind that I got this and I have no fucking clue as to what I am even dealing with. There is no way that you could have told me that I would not have demanded a private suite in this bitch until this shit got sorted out… So I guess that’s why I am still stuck in this God awful place with a pocket square for a sheet cover and a rubber mat to lay on the floor to keep me comfortable. Experiences like this will continue to keep you humble. God will kindly remind you of how much control you think you really have over your life.
As I am wallowing in my sorrows, Daddy answers the phone. As much as I just went on a mental rant about how I am not as big and bad as I thought I was, I pretend to act as if all is well on my end when Daddy starts talking. Who the fuck am I kidding. I am fucked up. I just cut all chit chat and bullshitting to a complete halt and I break down. I tell Daddy, that I don’t know what the hell I done got myself into, I just need to get the fuck out. I don’t really remember hearing if Daddy is telling me anything or if I am just going full spiral over the phone. One thing is for sure. I have faded back to black and I have another bruise starting to form on the top of my shoulder from hitting the ground.
I am steady trying to get Jacinta to calm down. I can’t understand a word that she is saying. I can tell that she is upset, but I really don’t know a word that she is saying. I am yelling in the phone for her to calm down and breathe. You have to know that it is the worst feeling in the world to hear your child suffering and you can’t do a damn thing about it. I can tell that she is in a panic. I don’t trust anyone in that facility so somebody is going to have to get to Jacinta fast, this is bigger than mental, this is physical now. All of a sudden it sounds as if the phone has hit the brick wall and is dangling and swinging back and forth. I can no longer hear Jacinta in the back ground. I hear a ton of other noises and it has me on ten. I am used to hearing things that most people are not allowed to listen to. I have been on several war room panels, covert seal team operations, this, that, and the third with my career. I have even hung out at Guantanamo Bay for a few years to help our Navy men and women. To say that means to say that I have heard and seen some gruesome things in my life, that at the time, I didn’t even blink when I experienced them. But this shit with Jacinta is fucking me up. I know that she is strong. Hell she is half of me. I know that she is not in what I would consider “grave danger”. I just know that she is not well enough to deal with this situation. The fact that someone could be harming her against her will and not allowing her to stand on her own is more than fucked up.
As the phone goes dead, I am making a U-turn back to Jordan’s room. I have already dialed Chico’s number to tell him about what just happened.
I am letting the hot water from the shower beat the top of my head and my back. I am trying to find some relief in everything that is happening. This is the first time in my life, where I can’t stay focused. It’s as if I can come up with a plan to execute, get on my p’s and q’s and then I regress. Going forward, I will not hold this against Jacinta when she does this. I get it now. I would get so frustrated. I would ask her a question. She would have the answer and then up until it was time to act on it, she would second guess herself and then start to beat herself up over something that is just as minute as “what are we going to do about dinner”. I could never for the life of me understand how this could become such a dire process. I get it now. It is just how your brain works when you are depressed. OMG! Did I just say depressed? I know I am not depressed. It is just a lot going on right now, so I am going to give myself a pass for acting so out of it. I turn the hot water off and I am drying off when I hear my phone ringing in the bedroom. Of course, nothing ever goes right. I am running to catch the call just in case it is Cint or the lawyer who has agreed to meet with me this morning. Either call I will take. In good old fashion luck, I bust my ass running to the phone. I answer it before it stops ringing and Joseph is on the phone.
Joseph: Chico. I just got off the phone with Jacinta.
Chico: I was just rushing to the phone to see if you were actually her calling. Are you still in route to Tampa? I am on my way to meet with an attorney that could possibly help us with Jacinta’s situation.
As much as I am throwing all of my thoughts in the air at one time, I should have been paying attention to Joseph’s lack of response or his regular, “cut me off” antics. I stop and I need to make sure this man is not at my front door talking to me face to face while I am thinking that he is actually on the phone. I look up and I say “Joseph??, you ok?” The phone is silent for about five seconds too long. I say his name again. This has me about to nut up and I am two steps away from the guest en suite to wake Nicole up to help me with this one. I have never really heard Joseph get “out of control”, which in definition for him means, he doesn’t look as if he isn’t in control. Joseph is good for slicing you at your throat with a soft tongue. In a very gentle voice, I have been given instructions.
Joseph: Chico, I just heard my daughter fall to the ground.
Chico: What do you mean , you just heard her fall to the ground? Are you here….
Joseph: Chico, let me finish. I am in Atlanta with Jordan. I just got a call from Jacinta. She was on a spiral or panic. One of the orderlies or nurses must have seen her stressed. All I heard from there, was the phone hitting the wall and Jacinta hitting the floor. Listen to me very carefully, go to the hospital right now. Forget the lawyer. Go to the hospital right now. Make sure Jacinta is ok. I need you to see her with your own eyes. I don’t want anyone other than you telling me her condition. I will wait for you to call me in ten minutes.
The phone goes dead. I look up and Nicole is sliding on a new pair of red clickers. She walks right pass me as if to say we don’t have time for “Good Morning’s” I acquiesce. I am two sheets in the wind on my way to the hospital to find out what have they done to my wife! I am 38 hot. Nicole picks up on this and without me even noticing, she has gotten herself into the driver’s seat to get us there fast but safe. God has so far been really showing favor to the great people of Florida and Tampa. So far, God continues to reminds me of who is truly in charge and I find myself getting upset with him. This is the cardinal sin. However, why put Jacinta through this? I can see if you want to take whatever misfortunes or misshapen out on me, just stop taking them out of Cint. I have regretted in two seconds for the blame that I am now placing on God. I just want to this shit to stop.
Felonious in on one this morning. She is yelling and screaming. There is a small circle forming around her and someone that is on the floor. The orderlies are trying to get a handle on Felonious while I see a nurse frantically trying to get a tranquil needle. I push my way through the crowd to see that it is Mrs. Daniel on the floor. My first thought is that Felonious must have knocked her out, but as I look around and see the reactions, it is quite the opposite. Felonious doesn’t want anyone to come near Mrs. Daniel. Now this is a first. I continue to confront the situation. Felonious looks at me and is pleading. “Dr. Sunni, she ain’t done nothing to nobody and they keep shooting her up with this crap. She was probably on the phone with her old man or something.” I tell her to calm down. In the same breath, the nurse is running back with the syringe in her hand. John has now pulled the nurse down and the syringe has hit the floor and skidded across the room. This is bad. We have got to get this shit under control. I press my security button and the whole floor goes into code red.
It’s about damn time!!! Lieutenant is smiling from ear to ear as he holds the syringe in his hand. Today, America is going to win this war!!!