I know that this isn’t the most thought out plan. Or at least for what I am about to do is not. I have always tried to abide by the books and doing so had me locked up. This will never happen again and I will never allow it to happen again. So Florida, let me help you out on this one. As we are heading to the house, I still haven’t picked up the phone to call anyone. I feel as though the people that knew about it and needed updates would have called Chico’s phone right now. I haven’t spoken to my father in a few days and I don’t plan on calling him. I am not for being kicked when I am down. I have a wonderful father, do not get it twisted. But I am Olivia Pope and he is Papa Joe all day. As soon as the “How are you questions” were out of the way, the “what in the hell did you do to get your ass caught up in this?” questions would have started and I was not in the mood.
My mind is clearly calculating the time it will take to pack this house and get the hell on. I did not forget that I was hungry. I call in to Johnnie’s pizza to place an order. In the midst of my order, Chico clicks in and he is telling me that his cousins are coming over to help us pack. I end up with a $163 Pizza and beer bill. That’s fine. Everything that has happened so far is whipping us into the shape that I am looking to have.
I get to the house and Baylor is far too happy to see me. We sit in the middle of the living room floor and as I hold him and rock him, every tear and every scream and all my agony is let go right there at that moment. Chico was outside busy trying to maneuver the truck into our cul de sac. He doesn’t hear the screams. His cousins are pulling up and one by one they enter the house, to only find me in the middle of the floor holding Baylor and rocking backing and forth. Something is definitely wrong with me and I am at a point where I have to get it out of my system some how and I am not here for show. I am sure that Chico is mortified. He hasn’t exactly told the family what had been going on. However, I am sure that they think the very worst considering my physical and emotional condition. His cousin Nick is the first to speak up and wants to know from Chico what is going? Mel steps aside and comes to sits on the floor in front of me. Baylor is now excited that this is turning into a family thing and he runs off to play with everyone. Mel takes me into her arms and lets me wail as long as I like. I can tell that she is using her hands to tell everyone to leave us alone and speaking to me right now is not a priority.
Chico and I have a very nice home that sits on a small lake. There are even fish that you can actually go and drop your fishing line in to catch. It is tranquil. My neighbors are to themselves this evening and it is exactly where I need to be in that moment. Mel knows my love of water and she asks that we go sit on the veranda. I spend maybe an hour telling her what happened. Everyone inside is eating pizza and drinking beer. She tells me to stay put and she brings me a plate with my favorite Barq’s Root Beer, extra ice. She and her wife Crystal are amazing. Crystal comes on the veranda to sit with us while the three of us eat. It is an acquiesce that I need their help. The pizza is just the fuel that is getting us ready to do something that I would never do on my own. I am scared. The two of them know that. I hear the opening of the back door and it is Chico. The girls decide to take the plates back in and I see them in the kitchen rounding the crew up to start dishing out orders on who is doing what and which rooms to do it in.
“Cint, baby, let’s talk”. I know that this conversation has to happen. I am not afraid of having the conversation with Chico. I know that I can tell him anything. The reason that I don’t want to have the conversation is because I don’t want to talk myself out of what it is I want to do. I know that whatever I want to do, Chico is going to be my rider. So this is neither here nor there. I just can’t find the words to speak this shit into existence. “Babe, what’s the plan?” I start to get myself together as much as possible considering, I still have not take a shower or even looked into the mirror for that matter. In the “Doom Room”, we didn’t have mirrors. Mirrors were glass and could be broken and used to hurt either yourself or others. Me thinking about the mirror piece and how I know I am going to be scared to look at myself when I get the chance is making me anxious. Chico picks up on my antsy and he tells me to calm down. I am at home with him. He is not going to let anything else happen to me. He promises me this. I know this to be true.
So I start to tell him my thoughts. Tears are escaping from my face but my mouth is uttering a plan that is not even reflective of the tears that fall. I tell him that I would like to pack up this entire house. Load the moving van. Place my car on the car trailer. I will drive his car and he will drive the moving truck to Atlanta. “Jacinta, your plan sounds very well and straight to the point. However, there are some things that we still need to talk about and figure our before we just leave town. You are still on probation and you are still a ward of the state. You have a scheduled appointment tomorrow to see a state appointed Psychiatrist at 9:00 a.m. After that you have to report to the mental facility in Brandon for your probation time until they expedite your Baker Act Trial. I already have a lawyer in place and I have already given him the retainer fee and we should be able to resolve this quickly.” I didn’t have the hear to tell him that Nicole texted me that she cancelled the cashier’s check to the lawyer. She said we didn’t need him any longer. I don’t want to tell Chico this, because this is basically us running things behind his back and technically that is a serious “No-No”. My husband runs my household and is the head decision maker. I am always involved and I make contributions and decisions for us as well. So right now, I have to trust my gut feeling and know that what I have orchestrated in my head is the right thing for us. I am not about to let Chic and I live under the thumb of a fucked up system that wants to keep me helmed up. I am good on that. He doesn’t deserve to be put through anymore, so I am in control of the situation now.
“Chic, I am going to go upstairs and take the hottest shower known to man. I am going to wash my hair and blow it out. I am going to get into our bed and sleep until that 7:30 a.m. alarm goes off. Please thank our family for coming to our rescue and in the middle of the night. There should not be much to pack. For the most part, we didn’t get a good chance to unpack boxes from when we moved here from Virginia. The main things that needed to be loaded and packed was the furniture. With all of your cousins helping that should take no time. I can help dismantle our bed in the morning. I plan to get up and drive myself to the Psychiatrist appointment that is at 9:00 a.m. While I am there I need for you to go to the property management company and tell them that we are breaking the lease that we have with them and we are in need of prorating this month’s rent. After this is all said and done, we meet back here at the house, make sure all of our shit is out of here and the place looks like it did when we got it and we are on 75 North to Atlanta.”
Chico’s head is spinning and I can tell because his thick eyebrows have to come together in deep thought and he is trying to figure this shit out in his head as well. “Cint, what about your job? Did you remember that you had a job here?” Do you know this whole time, I didn’t even think about my job. I don’t even know whether or not they know that I am dead or alive. Last they knew, I got some bad results and I walked out of the office with no updates, phone calls, emails…. nothing. I am reminded that I have an IPhone that has been given to me by them. I haven’t used it in so long the battery on it is dead. “Oh well”. “I guess I need to think of something to say to them about not coming back. But I haven’t processed that far, so let me think about that one while we are driving north.
“Jacinta… Jacinta…. Jacinta…. we get north and then what?” Check your email. I need you to DocuSign the lease on the house that I found in Waldin Park. I have already wired the first and last month’s rent. We just need to make sure that we can meet the property manager before 6:30 p.m. tomorrow. If not, we will need to find a place to crash. Technically, let’s crash somewhere tomorrow night anyway. Nobody is going to feel like unloading a bed and putting it together after the day that I think we are going to have tomorrow. I will call the Westin and make reservations. They are pet friendly and Baylor loves it there. Chico gives me a long once over. He kisses me and tells me that I am still the most beautiful thing that he has ever seen and as promised when we were married, he will do anything and everything to keep me happy. “So I guess I need to get to packing. I will call momma and tell her that we are moving back. “Chic…. no one needs to know that we are moving back. We can’t tell anyone that we are going anywhere. Your cousins here are the only ones that know that we are leaving. We cant confirm where we are going. Florida can not come and find me. I need you to understand this….” Chico looks at me like this is ridiculous. “Cint, I don’t see the problem with telling our family that we are moving home. That just doesn’t make any sense.” I tell him that it didn’t make sense that I was locked away for a few days because I had high blood pressure either. I trust no one at this point. Including my own parents. A phone call to both of them letting them know that I am “home” and getting some rest will suffice. As long as we are reporting in, people don’t need to know our moves.
He sighs, but he understands.