Ok, I should have taken Nicole up on her offer to fix me a drink. “Are you fucking kidding me? Does her Dad know any of this?” I am sitting here listening to this crazy ass situation and I am in disbelief that anything like this can really happen. I mean, we all have our moments where we lose it, but Cint loses it by herself. She is not the “crowd pleasing” type when it comes to showing out mentally. There are three levels of Anxiety: Flight, Freight, or Flight. Jacinta is definitely the one that will take Flight any day. She is too busy worried about someone other than herself, than to be getting locked up in a psyche ward by force. Nicole looks down as Chico is still giving me the details. I feel bad for him. He has no idea how bad this is, nor did I think he signed up for this shit. I know Nicole is thinking the same way. I know that Jacinta is far gone at this point and from what they are telling me, we will definitely have to keep her close and her whereabouts discreet.
Once Chico is finished with telling me everything. Nicole gets up and asks if we should go check on Cint. I tell them that I need a minute with her by myself. Chico asks that I not wake her if she is sleep. Damn that. We are talking. For the longest, Jacinta and Jordan were all I ever had and currently have as it relates to siblings. I know she is married and Nicole is her good friend, but I am her sister. I knock on the bedroom door slightly and then I push it open. Cint isn’t sleep. It is almost as if she was just waiting on me to come up here so that we could talk face to face. I know that she will tell me everything. I know that she wont hold nothing back. She is laying on her side and I this is when I notice the sunlight from the window hit her face. I see the red bumps all over her and this angers me. My level of Anxiety is and will always be Fight. So to see her looking like this has me on edge.
“Karla, I swear I didn’t do or say anything crazy to get me in that place”. Tears are rolling down her face as she is talking. “I know. You don’t even have to explain this. What do you want to do?” She lets that question marinate for a minute. I can already tell that she is thinking about putting all of this shit in another truck and moving on to the next spot. She is ashamed of this situation. I can only try to understand her, so I wait until she is ready to spit it out. “I’m ready to go.” I knew that this was what was about to come out of her mouth. “Where do you want to go Cint?” I know my question isn’t sounding so supportive. In fact, she is probably feeling as if I am mad at her for even asking her why or where she plans to move. I told you, we know each other. Through her tears, she speaks slowly “Tell Chic, that I am so sorry. I can’t do this anymore. It isn’t fair to him that I have us in this situation. He clearly needs to move on with someone that will do for him what a real wife is supposed to do. I am not in a position to be a wife, mother, worker, sister, daughter, nothing.” Her anger is starting to rise as she speaks and for the first time I start crying. What I hear coming out of her mouth is her giving up on herself.
“You realize that you don’t deserve the way that things have presented themselves? Chico doesn’t want to leave you. Neither do Nicole or myself. I am here to help you get this shit sorted out. You are going to be fine. You always make it out on the other side, remember?” I am only telling Cint what she tells me when I am saying “fuck it”. Cint repeats her grandmother by constantly telling me that “things have a way of working itself out”. I tell this to her now and her and she is balling. Chico and Nicole have now come into the room to make sure that the both of us are ok. We aren’t, but we will be. I dry my face. Again, I am a fighter. I just have to convince Cint that she needs to come to my side of this fight.
I am not going to lie. As much as I didn’t want anyone to know that I was here, I am glad that my crew is slowly but surely falling in to see about me. Having Karla there made a bit of the weight of guilt that I felt, lift. I know that between she and Nicole, shit was going to get done and at least it wouldn’t have to fall all on Chico. My thoughts are broken by Nicole who is not chewing on some ice. “So what the fuck we doing?” Karla is now in full “fix it” mode. She gets her phone out of her pocket and she starts looking into something. “First, we are going to get her the right doctors to treat everything that is going on. Nicole, if you don’t mind, will you help me make some appointments? I have a group of doctors that my company prefers here in the city. We can split this list and get this thing moving. We are going to kill two birds with one stone. Chic, all you need to do, is make sure she is straight and can get to these appointments. We will work out the paperwork. Again, does Joseph know what’s going on?” This question seems to linger in the sky too much. As hard as he is, Joe is a real Daddy. He is super protective and if nothing else, they need him.
I know Joe comes off hard sometimes, but his intentions have always been good. No one will treat his girls badly anymore. NO ONE! I am sure that this is why he and Chico bump heads so much. It is hard to see Joe losing control over his child after all of this time. Giving Jacinta to Chico was hard on him. He was losing something again or at least this is what I think was going on in Joe’s head. It was bad enough that he wasn’t able to save their mother. It was a totally different animal that Good Momma and GD died. All Joe had left was his girls. Instead of adding Chico as a son, he looked at it as if Chico was taking something from him. This gave Cint the blues. She was constantly having to put both lions in their dens to keep things calm around her. She was never calm, although it seemed as if she was. She wasn’t and she never has been. Mentioning her father’s name and whether or not he knew what all was going on was an attention getter for Cint and I can tell that this was making her nervous. “Ok. Ok. Ok. Listen, I know all of yall mean well, but this is all too overwhelming right now. I can’t deal with all of this right now! Why can’t I just sit here and be me for a minute and just be left alone!” Cint runs out of her bedroom and closes the door to the master closet.
“I did not see this shit going this way. I really thought that she would feel more comfortable with the two of you being here.” I am frustrated. I don’t know what to do with my wife. I get up to go check on her in the closet and Nicole grabs my arm. “Chic, let her go. This IS a lot for anybody. She knows that we are all outside of this door waiting for her to come to us. She knows that we have her back. Karla is right. We need to bring in some reinforcement with Joe.” I really don’t think that having Joe around is going to make anything better for Cint. She is my wife and I will take care of her. I know that he is some kind of “Jack Bauer” or so they say, but I love Cint. It hurts me to see her going through this and I feel bad that I even need help with getting her the help she needs. I am smart enough to get her riders in place. We are married but they know her next move. I am new to this side of Jacinta.
I keep picturing the times that I would start seeing Jacinta around. Usually, she was at Crickets, the mall, or someone’s house kicking it. It was always my luck that I would run into her. Even if I was on a date with someone else, my face would light up when I would see her. My dates didn’t find that shit amusing at all. I didn’t care. Cint was my crush and I something told me that she had a thing for me too. Jacinta was just playing hard to get. My ego would tell me that she would come around, but my head told me that I was going to have to keep pushing if she was going to take me seriously. I still didn’t realize how much younger she was. I told Charles that I had to go on a date with her and I needed his help to put that shit in motion. He came through alright. He told me all of her favorite things and convinced Cint to go on a date with me. At that time I didn’t know she was 16 and I was 22. I wanted things to be so perfect and it was. It was the best date of my life. I didn’t know it was the first date in her life. In fact, I didn’t find out until much later that Cint had to sneak out of the house and catch a ride with Charles to meet me that night. I prepared a picnic for us. I ordered her wings from Crickets with fries, some Alize, I sliced some mangoes for a small fruit salad, and went to Intermezzo to get her favorite dessert… Oreo Cheesecake. This was way before there was ever a Cheesecake Factory. At 22 this 16 year old had me running all over the city getting her what she wanted. I never laid a hand on her or even kiss her. I didn’t want her to think that this was what I wanted from her. I needed her to know that I wanted HER. We never went on a date after that one night. I never understood why, but I never gave up on her neither. She wanted us to be friends. Cint knew more than what she was willing to tell me about herself. I told her in due time, she would come around.
Even now, when people are around us, they ask us how long have we been together or how long did we date before we got married. We both laugh and say that we had only been on one date before we got married. My thoughts of the early version of us is interrupted by Karla. “Chic, can you take Cint to see a psychologist tomorrow at 10 a.m.?” Coming back to reality was a bitch in itself. I was still loving my past with Cint. I was mad that it felt as if everything and everyone wanted to fuck with our future. “Yes, I will take her tomorrow. Just give me the information. Here are our insurance cards. I am not going to Joseph with anything. That will be up to Jacinta if she wants to bring him in on anything that is going on with her. I will trust that you guys will let her make that decision for herself too. I truly appreciate all that you two are doing to help us, specifically her. I just need to two of you to know that I only wants what is best for her. I plan on doing all that I can to get us through this shit. Do you believe me?” Nicole looks at Karla. “Chic, we know you love Cint. We do too. It is just a lot that you don’t know about her past. We are here to make sure that we can help you help her get through it. We will do what we need to do as family. Trust.” That’s all I needed to hear from them.
“Yes, please confirm an appointment tomorrow morning for Jacinta Daniel with Dr. Connie Wise at 10 a.m.”