I can’t believe I let Cint come down here to Grady on her own. This place is just straight up hood. The parking deck is extra suspect. Even I am rethinking about whether or not I should park my car in here. I find a space and quickly get to moving. Cint sounded really stressed. No telling what type of shit she is in or what I am about to walk into. I am still in the black on what is wrong with Jordan. Whatever it is, it must be serious if Joseph has gotten on a last minute flight. I get through the front doors and of course there is a line like we are at the airport trying to get through TSA. I mean, they actually have the line straps to navigate people and everything. Only at Grady. Any other hospital in the world, there would be really nice and kind people to greet you and go out of their way to help you find your loved ones. Not here. I am standing in line only to realize that I have no idea where Cint and her sister are located. I decide to send her a text message. I am waiting on her to respond. Meanwhile, I guess I will watch the Jerry Springer show that is happening around me.
I am literally scared of my surroundings. It is almost as if this panic attack has hit me all of a sudden and I have absolutely no control over my behavior. This shit sucks. My breathing is becoming heavy and all I want to do is run. I mean get the hell on. There is no way in hell that I am going to get admitted and be in room six, next to Jordan. Daddy is hovering over me and asking a ton of questions. I feel like he is drawing too much attention to me. I need them to focus on Jordan. However, I can’t fix my mouth to let the words tell him to do so. Nurse Kaitlyn comes out of the room and notices me slumped in the chair. She automatically knows what is going on and comes to my “rescue”. “Breathe!!! In and out!” My dad is standing there looking in amazement. This is his first time seeing either one of us with a mental breakdown. He doesn’t have a clue as to what to do. The coaching that Nurse Kaitlyn is giving me is helpful. It is just a matter of time before this God awful attack will pass.
So it has been a couple of days since I called to check on Cint. I am not sure if she has spoken to Charlie or not, but I am not about to be the one to get in the middle of her knowing what Cint is going through. That is for Cint to tell. Not me. I pick up my phone and I give Cint a text. What gets me is that Cint actually picked up and left Tampa. She left her job, broke her lease agreement, this is so out of character for her. This situation must have definitely fucked her up. I can think of times when we were younger. People on the outside thought we had it good. They had no idea how hard it was on us growing up. Goodmomma and GD did their best to keep us shielded from the external bullshit that had happened to them, happened with us. Jordan had always acted out. Cint was always depressed and crying. Hell, when I lost my mother in the fifth grade, I went cold. I say all of this to say, out of the three of us, Cint made shit stick. She would try to fix whatever terrible situation we were a part.
Joseph made me his daughter as well. There was nothing that he wouldn’t do for any of us. I felt somewhat obligated to have a conversation with him about what was happening. I only felt this way because he commanded that kind of control over us. More so Jordan and Jacinta than me. I just knew that if he knew what was going on, he would help us fix it. It never dawned on me that we would be in a situation where we couldn’t tell him what was going on. It was like he had a satellite dedicated to his girls. He knew everything. Shit got fixed without us even knowing how. Cint hasn’t texted me back. This makes me worry. I text Chico to see if maybe she is just resting. Hopefully, she is doing ok.
Ding!!! I get off onto the twelfth floor and it is like De Ja Vu. This scares me even more. If Cint got off on this floor and looked around, she probably freaked out. It looks just like the matrix room from the “Doom Room”. No wonder Jacinta is flipping. There is a sign on the wall that reads “Check in at the camera.” Really?? I look around and notice the intercom/ camera system by a set of double doors. I press the red button. A lady’s voice comes on and her accent is thick. I don’t understand a word she says, but there is a buzzing noise that goes off and I assume that this my cue to push through the doors. The minute I get in there I look to my right and I see Cint with her hands on her knees trying to breathe. There is a nurse that has squatted down to her.
I run to her. What the fuck is going on? I lean down next to her and tears are rolling down her face. I let her know that I am here and that she is alright and safe. Joseph is standing there with a serious look of concern. I don’t see Jordan, so I am hoping like hell that nothing bad has happened to her and that that something bad triggered Cint. “Hey Joseph, what happened? I got a phone call from Jacinta to come and get her. I could tell she wasn’t ok. What triggered all of this? Is Jordan alright?” He is stuck. I mean the great Joseph Jones is stuck. It dawns on me that he has no idea what is going on. He doesn’t know that this is a panic attack. “Chico, I have no idea what has gotten the two of them sick. I just came out here and saw her like this and see wasn’t talking to me. It was like her eyes were wild and she was trying to tell me something but couldn’t.” We get interrupted by the nurse that is coaching Jacinta. I find it odd that we are in a level one trauma hospital and this is happening in the hallway. Not a doctor in sight. There are other nurses at the nurse station that aren’t even acknowledging that any of this is going on. Damn it Grady! Yall got to get it together.
The nurse looks up and starts to explain what is going on. “Mr. Jones, may I speak to you freely?” She darts her eyes towards me as if this is a HIPA violation. I explain that I am Jacinta’s husband. She looks back to Joseph and he nods his head for her to continue. “It appears as if your daughter is having a panic attack. Does your family have a history of mental illness or is there something wrong mentally with both of your daughters?” You can tell by the expression on Joe’s face that this woman has struck a nerve. He is looking at her sideways as if to say “My kids ain’t crazy!” I decide that I should lay it out on the table. “I can’t speak for Jordan, but my wife has a severe anxiety disorder, PTSD, and is a manic depressive. I can tell that she is having a panic attack too.” This information stuns Joseph. He is looking like someone just told him the world was coming to an end.
Joseph walks away and back into room five. I am assuming that this is where Jordan is. I look back to Jacinta and the panic attack seems to be subsiding. I tell the nurse that I think I can take it from here. I will get her home so that she can get some rest. The nurse looks empathetic towards us. I am glad she didn’t issue that look while Joseph was standing around. He would have taken it as an insult. I look around and notice all the monitors that are plastered on the wall. It is like a command control center up in here. There are at least three uniformed officers just peddling around. What kind of floor is this? The fact that Joseph is confused, the nurse is asking about mental illness, and Jacinta is panicking makes me think that we are in the “Doom Room” of Grady. We are definitely getting the hell up out of here. I don’t care if this is her sister or not. I am not risking us going through what we just went to.
I decide that it is best for me to take Cint home. At this point, I am looking for her purse. We are out of here. I leave her sitting in this chair and proceed to go into Jordan’s room. There is a doctor that is giving Joseph an explanation of what could possibly be going on with Jordan. The doctor stops his conversation when I enter the room and I am fine with that. I will be out of their hair in no time. Joseph tells the doctor that he will take care of this situation and the doctor takes his exit. I look at Jordan, who is laying in the bed and she is apparently sleep. They must have given her some medicine. The nurse is back in the room and gives Jordan another dose of medicine in her IV. “Hey, I’m hoping that things are alright with Jordan. I think I need to get Cint home so that she can get some rest herself. I know that Cint has her car here too. You can use it. I know that she isn’t in any condition to drive.” Joseph hasn’t taken his eyes off of Jordan since the nurse came in to give her that medicine. I don’t even know whether or not he was even paying any attention to me or anything that I have said. It looks like he is still in shock or overwhelmed with all of this. I am sure he didn’t anticipate things to be going in this direction.
“Chico, I have got to get Jordan out of here and fast. I didn’t realize how bad this thing is with either one of them. It appears as if there is a lot I don’t know. I am going to need your help….”